Dr. Cox: A tip jar? Really? So what am I supposed to do, just dook you my change because you poured hot water through beans? Well I'll tell you what, my friend, unless you're also planning on giving me a complementary reach-around with my beverage, I'm afraid the answer is "YehhhNO." Here's-here's a novel idea: Why don't you go fetch me a very large cup of coffee with so damn many fake sugars in it that the coffee itself gets cancer? [growls and walks away from counter]
Elliot: Guys, guys, I got one: Is it me or does—
Everyone else in the coffee shop: "—somebody need to switch to decaf?"
[Elliot looks down, somewhat upset]
Turk: Lay off of Elliot, she doesn't watch as much old T.V. as we do.
[Elliot looks up, pleasantly surprised]
Elliot: You actually stood up for me… But now I'm forced to ask—
Everyone else in the coffee shop: "—Who are you, and what have you done with Turk?"
Elliot:[in high-pitched, screechy voice] Stop finishing my awesome jokes!
J.D.: [clutches ears] Oh my god.

-- godofchaos

Tags: Column, Quote

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